Tuesday, January 14, 2014

One Trimester Down, 2 To Go!

Read Part 1 and Part 2


We talked for awhile that day.

Like nonstop.

He still couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that I was pregnant. I told him that I've had 4 weeks to process this, and I still couldn't understand it.

Here's my theory on what happened:

1. I began my period on Aug. 30. I took Clomid as prescribed.
2. Clomid did not make me ovulate; the blood test on day 21 was correct.
3. I was testing for pregnancy between day 30 and 40.
4. I took Provera between day 45 and day 55 after taking a lab urine pregnancy test.
5. I ovulated on my own on or before day 45 of my cycle, October 11. We conceived shortly thereafter. I was NOT charting, so I have no idea what day was "the day". You can't know for sure anyway, unless you only try like once every 7 days.
6. I starting feeling pregnancy symptoms around day 55. Some of them were the same as PMS symptoms, so I was still expecting a period after ending Provera.
7. I got a positive pregnancy test on day 64.
8. November 12 was the day I went to the ER. I was measured at 6 weeks, 4 days.

Crazy.

Working backwards, based on my ER measurement, my imaginary cycle should have started on September 28. That's how off everything was! So I was able to get a strong positive at 4.5 weeks pregnant. And under "normal" circumstances, I probably would have chosen to take a test several days earlier.

Every time I went to see a doctor or talked to a nurse, they always wanted to know when the first day of my last menstrual cycle was to determine my due date. I would tell them August 30th, and then I'd have to tell them the whole story. If they would just pull up my file on the computer, they would see that I went to the ER and had an ultrasound done. I think some of them just thought I was lying about the date. I had one nurse ask me if I was "sure about that".

Yes. I am.

Before I could get ahold of my doctor or went to the clinic for the pregnancy test, in those first few days when I was alone in my thoughts, I did some research on Provera in early pregnancy. I didn't realize how "common" it was. A lot of people were saying they had "Provera babies". A particular website had written that Provera could actually help the tail end of the cycle and aid in the ability of the pregnancy to begin. Provera is progesterone, and progesterone is responsible for the luteal phase, and my luteal phase was too short, like I'd been thinking all along, but no doctor would hear me out...

Chills.

Despite my anger at my doctor for withholding those lab results for 20 days, it was apparently was what led me to taking Provera while having a fertilized egg at the same time. I'm pretty certain that taking Provera helped this pregnancy thrive.

I already feel like my baby is a miracle. It is obvious that this specific baby, this specific egg and sperm, was meant to be our baby. This baby wanted to exist.

One of the favorite things anyone has told me during our time we were trying to conceive was from my sister, who also waited a long time to conceive her baby. She more or less said:

"You may not understand why you aren't getting pregnant right now. It's frustrating, and you want to know what's taking so long. But God is taking his time picking just the right egg and just the right sperm to make just the right baby for you. The baby that you may have wanted to conceive in the past was not the baby God wanted you to have. He has picked this baby just for you."

Beautiful. That definitely put things in perspective for me, and it made me feel better. It didn't take away the emotional tug-of-war, but I found comfort in those words.

I'm in love with this baby.

In the beginning, I was obsessed with looking in the mirror at my belly. I was so excited to see it grow. I think I convinced myself that it already looked bigger. I had spend so many days before getting pregnant, sticking my belly out, imagining what I'd look like with a pregnant belly.

And now, at almost 16 weeks, I have a nice little round basketball.

I'm already breaking in some of my maternity clothes. They are the most comfy.

I'm still obsessed with looking in the mirror at my belly. I still cannot believe I'm pregnant, and I'm glad I'm getting some noticeable physical changes so I don't have to keep telling myself I'm pregnant. I can see it now. If I had nothing better to do all day, I would probably just stand in front of the mirror. And rub my belly. I'm trying not to take any of these days for granted; I know of many, many people who are still on their own journeys to get where I am.

I was fortunate to escape the first trimester without throwing up once. I am very grateful for that! Not to say that I wasn't nauseous - I had my fair share of nauseously uncomfortable evenings. I remember thinking to myself while trying to get pregnant that I would be happy to throw up and be nauseous because that meant that I would be pregnant. I wouldn't complain.

My nausea has gradually slipped away, I am back to eating practically everything (I even ate pizza the other day, something I've had an aversion to this whole time!), and going to the grocery store doesn't make me want to pass out. And, as a bonus, I'm going on week 2 of an energy burst! I no longer seem to need my nap (or two) each day to survive.

I can't wait to start feeling those baby kicks and movements.

We are anxiously awaiting our next ultrasound; it should be the gender reveal!

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