Saturday, June 2, 2012

Well, Now What?

It's the morning after.

The morning after my last day at my job. My first job as a college-degreed adult. I spent 4 years there, and invested so much time and energy. This school became my anchor after the passing of my mother and Chris returning home from Iraq just 2 weeks before I started working there. My mother was the one who encouraged and "gently pushed" me to apply early on in my senior year of college. She just knew that it would be the perfect fit for me. I hope that she knows how right she was! It took me on a journey that I never expected out of myself. It was very hard to leave, and I will miss all the children, families, and staff that I got to know. I sat at nap time, alone in my classroom yesterday, with all my sleeping children, reflecting on my journey at this school and all the memories I have. I have learned so much about myself in these past several years in my adult life, and I feel like God steered me down this path for a very BIG reason.

I really thought that I knew who I was as a person. For example, I had always thought that I thrived best on stability, predictability, and planning everything in advance. I was blessed to grow up in a happy, healthy household filled with routines and schedules. But with the curve balls life has thrown to me, I have realized that I was completely wrong. And it has taken me awhile to accept the fact that "change" has become the new constant in my life.

I like change.

Phew, I said it. It feels good to get that off my chest. I should have seen the signs when I was younger. Lots of almost-complete projects. Changing my favorite foods. Changing my hobbies. Changing my mind on lots of little unimportant things. Changing my major 4 times. Meeting my (now) husband who was, and still aims to be, unpredictable and spontaneous.

Well, now what? I have found myself with a summer of who-knows-what. Maybe I'm moving? Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'll move in the fall and pick up some sort of part-time job...somewhere...doing something...I don't know. It's a very interesting thought to me to be able to wake up each day and think, what am I going to do today? With all this new found freedom, my head is spinning this morning imagining all the possibilities. Catching up on cleaning, for sure, organizing, recipe trying, filing (been putting that off for WAY too long), crafting of all sorts, pinteresting, getting into a gym routine, movie marathoning, pre-packing...I have tons of interests that can be explored!

There are a few things that have already been planned. My husband flies home for a short visit on June 21st, and my sister is expecting her baby to arrive in mid July. But other than that, when I imagine the rest of this year, it turns into a big blur with little dots of things that I know are happening, but its not linear. They are just floating out there. And for right now, that's okay with me.

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