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Making Myself A Priority: A Journey

You know what is kind of cool?

Every time I work out, in the middle of all the sweat and struggle and discomfort and thoughts of "this is hard; I want to quit", I also have these really amazing thoughts of perseverance during hard times. It's almost like the clouds of negativity dissipate in my mind, allowing positive thoughts to filter in. I kind of bask in the high of my endorphins, and let the inspirational thoughts float around in my head!

Back when I went to the gym, I would get these thoughts too. I always remember thinking that I wished I had a way to blog while running on the treadmill because I would get these inspirational thoughts and I wanted to write them down! I would finish my workout and basically run to the nearest table and chair just so I could whip out my phone and jot down my thoughts!

And now, I'm sitting on the edge of my chair, all sweaty, post-workout, to get this all written down! My thoughts never seem to come out as fluidly if I wait unti…
Recent posts

I Tried To Quit Plexus

I stopped taking my Plexus supplements.

No more "pink drink", no more probiotic, no more BioCleanse, no more multivitamin, protein powder...nada.


Ok, so maybe that title is a little dramatic.

I didn't try to quit, it just kind of happened!

I slowly ran out of a supplement or two, and life just got busy and I didn't think I'd miss them that much. So I just let them all run out.

I was aware that I should really get some more, but I tried to convince myself that Plexus supplements didn't really make that much difference.

And you know what happened?

I started feeling like crap again.

I felt like I did before I found Plexus - headaches, tiredness, upset stomach and irregular BMs, not sleeping as well, more breakouts, and more irritability. I was starting to wonder what was going on with me when I thought, "when was the last time I drank my Slim? Or took my BioCleanse and Probio5?!" 

And then it was a lightbulb moment …

Let's Play Series: Summer is HERE!

I'm trying to get my life together (I feel like I'm always saying this!) and I've come up with a summer schedule for my 2 and 3 year old! I wanted a schedule that allows for lots of playtime and exploration in a laid back, no pressure kind of way. I didn't want to be on a specific timeline, so I only chose a few things that require a specific time commitment. The rest of our schedule is on our terms!

This is the first summer that I feel like I'm ready for something structured. My kids are 19 months apart, and my youngest is now about 2.5 and I'm not tied down with needing to breastfeed a baby or rushing home for nap times (car naps are the WORST!!). I'm still pretty rigid with nap times, but they are old enough that we can be a little more flexible and it's not that big of a deal anymore. Last summer, my husband was deployed, so trying to do things by myself all the time with a 1 and 2 year old was truly a struggle some days. So I am READY to embrace a …

When Life Throws You Bullsh*t

I feel like this is advice my mom would give to me if she were here.
She loved to garden and rarely cussed, but she had such a goofy sense of humor!

The first time I saw this, I laughed, because I could totally see her saying this to me when I complain about the struggles of military life.
I can't believe it's been 10 years, momma.
10 years that I've managed to go on without you.
One day at a time.
It's been 10 years of figuring out who I am without you, how to carry on, how to adapt.

10 years of discovering a strength I didn't realize that I had.
I am forever changed by you, from the 22 years we had together, and now by the always-increasing years that we are apart.

I look at life a little differently since you left.
I know that tomorrow is never a guarantee for any of us.
I'm a little less hesitant to go for what I truly want. I worry a little less about what others think.
I feel like I've entered a sisterhood of (young) motherless daughters.

But on the …

Grief: Oh Hello, It's Me Again

Hey, its me.

It's been awhile since I've been on here.

I was putting Ava to bed tonight, just a few minutes ago, actually. We were laying there in the dark, and she asked to play with my hair. And by "play with my hair", I mean she uses my hair as a slide and all of her stuffed animals take turns going down the slide. It felt nice to have some quiet moments at the end of a busy day; I always love to hear Ava's quiet chatter as she plays with her animal friends. Her speech is emerging more and more every day and I love hearing what is on her mind. We have made a routine of talking about our day and what we are looking forward to tomorrow.

I was looking up at the hair bows hanging on Ava's wall when a giant wave of grief washed over me.

just out of nowhere.

The wave hit me and I almost literally felt like I had been slammed to the ocean floor.

I felt the wave first, and then the thought came to my head second:

my mom is not here to see any of this life that I h…

The Song That Was Written For Me

I heard this song on the radio for the first time several months ago. I was immediately drawn to it, but I hadn't really taken the time to listen to all of the lyrics.
But when I finally did...I was blown away, and now I love it even more. It's my new obsession! The more I listen to it, the deeper meaning it has for me. My husband and I met in the summer of 2005. It was a very transitional time for both of us, and this song basically summarizes that summer for us. We met. We took a chance on each other. We took some risks. It felt a little crazy, a little whirlwind-esque, a little wild. At times I thought, what are we doing?! Is this worth it all? Is this going to last? And you can imagine how those feelings multiplied when he told me shortly after we were together that he wanted to join the Army. What would that mean for us while he was away at Basic Training and AIT? And so soon after we met...the questions were flying. But we knew. We knew we were each others' forevers. …

A Good Race

I've been thinking of this particular post for many months now - dreaming of it, actually - but now that I'm here, I'm not really sure I can articulate my feelings concisely.

It's been a YEAR, y'all!!! 362 days to be exact - three hundred and sixty two days that I have spent without my husband home (by the time he gets home). Ok so there were 3 weeks there in the middle when he came home for my grandmother's funeral - but I can assure you, those 3 weeks had their own struggles!

How can I describe what these 362 days have been like?! I'm not sure if I can! But I'm going to try.

I ran track for 6 years. I considered doing it in college as well, but decided I couldn't commit to being an athlete and a student. Plus I wasn't *quite* good enough to run at KU, which is where I really wanted to go (although I did make it to the 6A State track meet!). My events were the open 100, 200, and 400, as well as the 4x1, 4x2, and the 4x4. My favorite event was p…